Success: is that measured in metric or imperial?

Anyone who knows me wouldn't use the words "passionate" and "driven" to describe me. Too often I just don't feel like accomplishing much. And I have this curious habit of not remembering what it is I wanted to do until it's too late to do it. Like, oh yeah, I was going to do such-and-such tonight, but now it's bed time. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

I'm trying to change that. So far this year, I completed my first real studio-type album. I'm pretty happy with it, and proud that I was able to accomplish it pretty much all on my own. The process was over two and a half years in the making, but I got it done. That means a lot to me. How many books sit unfinished on my shelf? How many ideas lay dusty in my skull? But I did feel driven to finish the album. I knew that I "had" to finish it. I expected great things once it was done. "Maybe I'll sell a million copies!" At least I was optimistic (so far the total is, um, 15 or so). But, it's enough for me that a few people like it and that I accomplished something.
I have other projects that I'm trying to start/ finish. I just bought some blank board books to make for the kids. I have a finished story about a monkey (my son) and another half finished one about a lion (my oldest daughter). I'm not sure what my youngest is yet, I'll have to give it some time. So, I'll finish these stories some time, illustrate them, put them together and give them to my kids. "Hey, maybe I'll sell a million copies!" Probably not.

But this raises a point for me. Why does something have to sell a million copies to justify it's production? Otherwise, it's a failure. The best things are probably limited in number. I was just reading an article about one of my favourite musicians, bill mallonee. His music is so great. His lyrics are deep... scouring the innermost parts for grains of truth and wisdom. The music is good, and his vocals are so personal and raw. Yet, he struggles to keep afloat financially. Is he a failure because his stuff doesn't sell? I don't think so. I'm glad he does what he does. It has blessed me.

If only a handful of people ever buy or receive a free copy of my album, that's good enough for me. If only my kids ever read the books I'm making for them, that's awesome. I also have another idea for a book of my musings on apologetics and such. If only a handful of people ever read it and find it useful to their faith and life, then I think that's more than I could ask for. I will have accomplished something simply by finishing what I started, and I'll probably be glad to have started it at all in the first place.
Consumerism is so enmeshed in us, that we are conditioned to equate success with numbers. Bigger is better... we always need more. But I don't want to buy it anymore. Perhaps less really is more after all. Sure, I'd like to sell a million copies... but whether I do or not doesn't make me successful as far as I'm concerned.

Living with Less

I've been toying with the idea of starting a separate blog lately. That doesn't sound like a good idea coming from someone who has now blogged a total of once for each the last two years. But here's the concept. Somewhat related to my last post, I've been thinking of how I can reduce the amount which I consume. This would be on many levels. Food, gas, media, everything. The idea would be to make the blog an ongoing account of how the experiment is going as I scale back on what I consume. I know that it has to be a process of scaling back, I don't have the capacity to just cut things out cold turkey.
It's like today at work. Whenever it's someone's birthday, that person usually brings a couple of dozen donuts from Tim Horton's to share with everyone. So there they were... free donuts. What could be better? Well, I don't particulary like Tim Horton's donuts, they make me feel a little ill. And neither do I need all of the fat/sugar/etc. that comes with eating those donuts. But, despite all of my mental wranglings, two of them ended up in my tummy. Oh the shame :(
So, my point is that I would like to get to the point where free donuts stare at me with their beady little sprinkle eyes and I don't even flinch. Why? Because I've become accustomed to not needing to consume things. Get it? Hopefully that all makes sense. Stay tuned and we'll see if I actually follow through with this idea.

iCan't get things iWant

As Mick and the boys would say, "You can't always get what you want... but you just might find you get what you need." I want an iPhone. Just because. It's cool. It's what I've been hoping smartphones would progress towards for some time. I've had a couple of palm pilots over the years, and I've really enjoyed them, but the gap between what a computer can do and what a palm pilot can do is enormous. That gap is closed considerably by the iPhone, as far as how I've been looking at it.

I don't need an iPhone however. I actually do pretty well without any phone, and the last thing I need is something else to make me unproductive. Yes, the power to watch stupid Youtube videos in the palm of my hand probably overshadows any use I could make of the thing. I'm also not important enough to need that much phone. I get 1 or 2 emails a week, and I'm pretty sure they can wait until I get home before I answer them.

I've been thinking lately about how to downsize a bit. Cut out the fat and get down to what's important. I decided that the month of July I would drink nothing but water. It was a lesson in discipline. It's still July, and you'll notice I'm already using the past tense to refer to my experiment. It lasted 10 days. I think I would have made the whole month had my co-workers not forgotten about my pledge and bought me a slurpee on a hot day. I was grateful, and as much as I wanted to stick to things, I didn't want to spit on their generosity.
What do slurpees and iPhones have in common? I don't need them. I also don't need 2 servings at dinner, but I am accustomed to eating that much. It is hard to pull back the curtains of "wants" to expose what we really just need.

I mentioned to a co-worker the other day that I don't feel as though I have much will power, and that was part of why I was trying to drink just water. He didn't agree, he felt I had lots of will power from what he could see. Maybe he's right, but more accurately, I think that our society is not accustomed to depriving ourselves of anything, and when someone does, even in the smallest way, it is viewed as out-of-the-ordinary.

A couple of weeks ago at church, the pastor was using the beatitudes to illustrate where we actually are as believers, and where Jesus wants us to be. I know where I am... I know where I want to be... Somehow, I'm nearly completely lost in how to get from A to B. In my fumbling efforts to follow Jesus, I feel a stronger and stronger conviction that I need to deprive myself of the things I want, in order that He might provide the things I really need...