Lenten Musings - 34

John 18
I think Peter must have been really disappointed with how things were going down. At the beginning of the chapter, he's ready for a fight. In john 18:10, he whips out his sword, ready to go down in flames. I never really thought about how big the crowd was that came to get Jesus. In the movies, there's always around a dozen or so soldiers it seems. Apparently, the Greek words used seem to indicate that there were probably A LOT of people there. The Jewish leaders weren't taking any chances. Peter could see they were hopelessly out numbered I'm sure. So, he strikes the first blow, cutting off some guy's ear. Jesus tells him to cool it, and heals the guy's ear (although that's not recorded here). I wonder what Peter thought at that point. How could Jesus just not put up any kind of fight?
Later, we find Peter hanging around as Jesus is rushed through to His death. At least he was there, I suppose, as apparently the other disciples weren't. Peter famously goes on to deny knowing Jesus three times. Was he disappointed? Confused? It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I wonder if he wasn't just disappointed with the situation, but with Jesus as well. Only a short time ago, Peter was willing to die, but now he is trying to save his hide. He denies any involvement with Jesus, I think because he doesn't want to meet a similar fate. After the rooster crows, I wonder if he doesn't just weep (luke 22:62) over his own betrayal of Jesus, but at the way the whole situation was turning out. I'm sure the whole mess was overwhelming to begin with, then add on top of that his betrayal...
I think Peter had a tough time because of his expectations. A lot of people had expectations of Jesus; Peter, Judas, the Jewish leaders, etc. No one's expectations were met by Jesus. Funny thing, expectations, they can be about the most selfish thing we carry with us sometimes. Everyone wanted something from Jesus, and most of the turmoil at this point is relatef to Jesus not giving in to those expectations. I have the same problem sometimes. I expect certain things from Jesus, but most of the time He doesn't deliver. Nor should He, because one big thing we can learn from this narrative is that Jesus knows what's best for us. The people wanted a king to overth row Rome, the Pharisees wanted Him to tow the line, the disciples wanted Him to be their courageous leader. He didn't deliver on those fronts, but what He did do was so much more amazing and valuable than any of those things.

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